Directing The Communication Cycle
Can you recall a time when you’ve been chatting to a work colleague, or a friend, and you’ve looked at your watch and said ‘Wow, is that the time? I must have been talking to you for ages.’? This usually happens when the
two people concerned are giving each other space in their conversation. There is a feeling of ease, ideas are being passed to and fro, and a natural exchange develops. It’s a bit like having a conversational game of table tennis. This is called rapport.
If you can begin to build rapport with your business connections you will be making great progress in establishing the relationship you want and your exchanges will become frequent and more valuable. You’re attempting to establish the balance of listening and talking.
There are times when you’ll want to find out more information. It’s easy to ask too many questions and fall into a sort of ‘Spanish Inquisition’ situation. Conversely when responding to a question you can give away too much information. If you’re on the receiving end of this from your business contact, the relationship may not make much progress. No one likes to feel they are being ‘pumped’ for information. It’s infuriating and insulting and you’ll want to distance yourself as quickly as possible.
Identifying A Common Language
Only one person at a time can truly direct a conversation. One leads and the other tends to follow. This doesn’t mean there is no give and take. Neither does it mean that the other party is subservient. But one of the parties should lead and there is merit in you being
the one that does so. Your objective after all is to build a proactive business relationship with rewards for both sides.
Opening Rituals
At the start of a meeting, there are usually some general opening remarks, possibly about the weather or the state of the traffic or where to park. This sort of opening ritual is customary and should take no longer than a few minutes at the outset of proceedings. Watch for the moment when the chattiness should cease because if you have no real plan, your contact may lead you off into uncharted waters and you’ll find yourself heading in the wrong direction.
Someone usually starts off by saying, ‘Right, shall we move on? Can you tell me ...’ That person should be you. If you don’t seize the opportunity to take control at this point in your exchange, you may have lost the initiative for the rest of the meeting.
You might consider going into the meeting with a short agenda. If this isn’t written down, it should at least be in your head. It could be little more than a few helpful suggestions. Perhaps you’ve already aired the topics for discussion in a telephone call beforehand. There is no rule here, but whatever has been agreed it does at least mean that the exchange proceeds along some agreed lines.
It also provides an element of control during the
dialogue if the conversation meanders into other areas. You could refer back to your brief by saying something like, ‘we were going to discuss X next...’ and then move on smoothly to the next stage.
The early part of any meeting is a key stage for your confidence; you’ll feel and operate better if you get off to a planned start and you’ll be able to maintain better control and direct the rest of the exchange.
Good Conversational Techniques
To develop a balanced style of communication, try to begin the conversation by introducing yourself and giving some personal information. This is called the
inform stage.
Once you’ve given some information, ask a direct question of your business contact. This is called the
invite stage.
Then
wait for his response.
On receiving this,
listen to every word!
Then
acknowledge and, if necessary, repeat the essence of their response.
If you achieve this cycle of communication you can repeat it many times over during the encounter to
establish a good rapport between you both. It should make the time pass effortlessly and harmoniously and make your business relationship a pleasant experience.
Business relationship-building has similarities to the dating process. You are attempting to get closer to your prospect by developing the art of good conversation, so pay attention to the importance of eye
contact. This has been covered in the previous chapter, but it is so important it is worth recapping here.
Appropriate eye contact at all times in the business exchange is essential. If, while you are talking, you notice that your contact is looking at you with an interested expression, nodding occasionally and smiling at the right times with an alert and open posture, you’re holding his attention and doing everything right.