Connection Points
How do you best communicate with people? Depending on who you want to contact, how well you know them, and what the desired outcome is, choose your method wisely.
Verbal
The most common way of communicating with people is by the written word.
Following a meeting with a potentially exciting business contact, if you are able to launch into print easily, a persuasive letter or a politely worded email will ensure that you are remembered. It emphasises that you are trustworthy and that you are organised and professional.
Continuous communication over a period of time establishes the connection. It builds trust.
The power of thank you is tremendous. Send thank you notes after each event you attend, or when someone does something for you. It means, ‘We value your business and appreciate the manner in which you conduct it.’ A
handwritten note is best. It’s far ahead of the phone because the recipient knows it takes more effort. People appreciate thoughtfulness and don’t forget kindness.
Oral
The art of conversation, or idle gossip? The chapter on communicating dealt with the ‘dos and don’ts’ of oral exchanges. In some work situations, where the Protestant version of the work ethic prevails, the belief is that to chatter is idle. ‘Shooting the breeze’ doesn’t get the job done.
If you compare this to the continental approach, I think I prefer the European way. The first hour in French, Spanish and Italian offices is spent kissing! The second is where you exchange the latest gossip and the third is taken up going out for coffee and a croissant. OK, so I exaggerate!
Being gossip-averse can be short-sighted. Conversation is the way relationships are formed. Perhaps I should define ‘gossip’ as being useful chat rather than spreading malicious rumours about someone’s reputation or latest conquest.
Relationships between people are a company’s greatest asset. If people can’t work together you won’t have a successful business. Employees who can hold good-quality conversations with each other are valuable to any organisation.
Conversation should not be confused with communication. Communication is about exchanging information. Conversation is a creative process and engages people’s minds.
Conversations don’t stick to agendas, neither do they incorporate jargon or management theory and hype. Conversations are about connectivity – enabling staff to keep in touch with one another. They are an antidote to stress and other health problems. People who have good social relationships at work are far less likely to be anxious, stressed, absent or seeking to move on.
Using Your Intuition
If you are having difficulty connecting with someone, step back for a moment and reflect. Sit and think about the way you felt about that person when you first met them.
- What initial reactions did you get?
- Were you impressed with their voice?
- Did they have a firm handshake?
- What was their scent like?
- Is their beauty more than ‘skin deep’?
Suspend, for a moment, your visual senses and see with your ‘third eye’. Close your eyes, listen to someone’s voice, pick up their scent, and maybe something indefinable about the set and shape of someone’s body if they are walking close to you.
I have discovered the value of this since I learned it from my friends. They pick up the vibes from people because all their other senses are so alert. Sighted people often use only one. For me, it’s a combination of the sound of someone’s voice, their touch as they shake your hand, or their sheer physicality – do they stand near to you, inappropriately close or far away?
Since using the ‘third eye’ approach, I have reduced the number of times I have made incorrect judgements about people. Believe me, over the years I’ve made a good few mistakes – some of them have been rather costly.